For Shana Nova Borenstein
September 24, 1982 - April 7, 2020

The day you were born
was the happiest I'd yet known.
I held you in my arms, and believed
that I would spend the rest of my life loving you
and trying to protect you

Protecting you became hard in your wilder years
I secretly admired and even envied your bravery and daring
but constantly feared, and narrowly missed, the worst: outliving you

I have never been able to pray more than, "Thy will be done."
Who am I to negotiate with God?
But do I even want a God whose will is so cruel?

As you reached maturity our battles ceased
In the last few years we talked for hours,
ending every call with "I love you."
I dared believe this would end only with my death, not yours.

I will remember you as a child,
Choosing conserving paper over staying out of trouble.
And in your later years,
When one of your last messages was about a stranger who needed our help.
And the way you battled your demons and inspired us all with your victory.

I cannot cry forever
but I will never stop loving you.